Generated by All in One SEO v5.0.0.1, this is an llms.txt file, used by LLMs to index the site. # Jo Fonda 20 Years To Life Book Blog ## Sitemaps - [XML Sitemap](https://www.jofonda.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website. ## Posts - [20 Years to Life - book in a blog](https://www.jofonda.com/20-years-to-life-book-in-a-blog/) - [March 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/march-2001/) - House almost doneMarch 18 2001 The good news is that I did not have a heart attack. The bad news is that it’s all in my head, literally. I kept having episodes where my heart was racing fast and hard and was dizzy and light-headed, so I went to the doctor. They hooked me up - [October 1978](https://www.jofonda.com/october-1978/) - October 1978Ruth and Clark FondaMV Odessa Paul, from the staff on this trip, is 19 years older than me, but I feel closer to him than I have to any man in my life. I first met him last year when he was working here on the Odessa, and I was on the Kazakhstan and - [AUGUST 1994](https://www.jofonda.com/august-1994/) - Anjelica just celebrated her first birthday. She is such a smart little cookie, and so cute. She loves pink and anything Minnie Mouse. She’s been walking for quite a while and has a large vocabulary for her age. I keep up on what she’s supposed to be doing by what age, and she’s typically ahead - [August 20 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/august-20-2001/) - August 18, 2001Rental Car Miracle MacArthur Airport I’ve left the house a few weekends to get a break, but I am now too worried to leave Anjelica home with Lou. He came into the guest bedroom to harass me as usual but was somber and kind of looked zoned out. He stood at the foot - [AUGUST 1993 PART II](https://www.jofonda.com/august-1993-part-ii/) - First day in the hospital! First day home! At 12:20am on Saturday, August 21st, 1993, my little angel made her entrance into this world eight pounds, twenty-one inches long, healthy, beautiful, precious and perfect in every way. Anjelica Sierra Joy. The first thing I said to Lou on the morning of the 20th, was, “today’s - [March 1979](https://www.jofonda.com/march-1979/) - My cabin-mate, Jill, screwed me over good. Technically, she screwed a Russian. Everyone understands the rules: the Americans are not to fraternize with the Soviets. It’s fine to hang out in the clubs with the officers but going to a cabin alone with one of them is definitely off-limits. The most I have ever fraternized with - [DECEMBER 1993](https://www.jofonda.com/december-1993/) - Anjelica was baptized last month on Long Island. We don’t belong to any Catholic church but the Father at the church where Lou’s dad had worked hesitantly agreed to perform the Christening, with Nico and my one Catholic sister as Godparents. After the ceremony we held a nice private dinner at a nearby restaurant with - [September 12 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/september-12-2001/) - Bruce was the first to call me yesterday morning. He asked, “Are you watching tv?” As I searched for the remote, I replied, “No, what channel?” He answered, “Any.” In absolute horror, we watched the events unfold on live broadcasts following the first plane’s strike on the World Trade Center.As the videos of plane after - [August 31 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/august-31-2001/) - A funeral is a ritual for closure, typically a memorial or celebration of life. Today, with Lou’s ashes in a simple urn and a smiling photo taken just 10 days ago on Anjelica’s birthday, I held “A Service of Remembrance, Healing, and Hope” at the Congregational Church of Amherst. On one side of the traditional - [August 25 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/august-25-2001/) - I was already awake when my phone rang at 7:20 this morning. I was not surprised to see it was Lou, since I never expected him to actually abide the no contact order. I answered and immediately ended the call so he could not talk to me or leave another hateful, threatening message. A half - [August 23 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/august-23-2001/) - I finally found the courage to leave. Courage and fearlessness are not the same. I acted despite my fear, perhaps because of the fear. I actually did it. It’s late, I am exhausted, but the adrenaline coursing through my veins will not let me sleep. I awoke this morning fully aware, but apprehensive of my - [August 22 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/august-22-2001/) - Lou made appointments for us all to go to our old dentist in Delaware on August 21st, which was Anjelica’s 8th birthday. I planned a celebration dinner with Sandy and Rob. The sky was sunny and clear yesterday for the familiar flight from Nashua to Wilmington. I took some photos of Anjelica, who was settled - [August 2001 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/august-2001-part-two/) - There is no rest for the weary. Lou still keeps me up, and then I can’t sleep, so I am weary, and since there is no rest for the weary it is an endless loop. Doesn’t seem right. Is it the wicked or the weary? While I was awake, I fell down the rabbit hole - [June 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/june-2001/) - I’ve finally reached the end of my tolerance level. I took the psychiatrist’s advice to see a lawyer and used the employee assistance program at work to get a free consultation. I told the lawyer that even though I knew he had affairs before and was doing it again, I wanted to divorce under simple - [May 2001 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/may-2001-part-two/) - I know that dealing with me and my depression and anxiety has been hard, and given his recent breakup with Tanya, I was feeling bad for Lou. From his perspective, all of the focus of this depression is on me, when, I agree, he is also affected. So, I went to the bookstore looking for - [April 2001 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/april-2001-part-two/) - Since our car repo days, Lou has called me “Joey Detective” whenever I figured stuff out. So, it shouldn’t surprise him if he ever discovers that I put some software on his PC that lets me see everything he does on the computer. It sends me an e-mail with a copy of all the e-mails - [March 2001 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/march-2001-part-two/) - When we jointly decided at the end of the year that we needed and wanted to work on our marriage, I took it to heart, and actually tried, and I’m still trying. But the trying is one-sided, with no results, no positive feedback, no reward for my efforts. One book I read, A Path to - [February 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/february-2001/) - Despite my complaints, Lou insists on maintaining his relationship with Tanya. She comes up to visit all the time. He goes with her to the gym, out for tea, or to the library to study. Who goes out for tea? She insists only on hot tea from Dunkin Donuts. In fact, at home, she makes - [November 2000](https://www.jofonda.com/november-2000/) - When it rains, it pours. When you put windows in a house before the roof is complete, it pours inside your house and ruins your window frames. Sometimes Lou is absolutely right, and this was one of those times. He kept saying it was a mistake to put the windows in yet. He kept saying - [August 2000](https://www.jofonda.com/august-2000/) - We’ve moved into our townhouse apartment, which is plenty big enough for now. Most of our stuff is in storage, but we brought enough with us to furnish this place. It was not easy finding a short-term rental in Amherst. After the house sold, we took a vacation down to Florida for a few days, - [FEBRUARY 2000 - PART TWO](https://www.jofonda.com/february-2000-part-two/) - After 4 months of looking, we decided on another house we like. It is one that I looked at a few months ago, and thought was perfect except for the price. We are offering $50K less than the asking price, but I do agree with Lou that it is overpriced given the age and lack - [JULY 1999](https://www.jofonda.com/july-1999/) - We went to The Balsams in New Hampshire, which has become our favorite go-to for vacation. We went bike riding, kayaking, swimming, and played golf. Meals are included in the cost, and the food is incredible. Which, in retrospect, was both good and bad. Lou has become very serious about body building, so eating normal - [JUNE 1998](https://www.jofonda.com/june-1998/) - We flew to Grand Cayman in our Trinidad as part of a pilot’s association event called the Cayman Caravan. Although it was very long plane ride each way, Anjelica was fantastic. We bring activities for her, so she is always busy with a game, book, napping, or simply looking out the window; she hardly ever - [MAY 1998](https://www.jofonda.com/may-1998/) - Dad died May 3rd, three months after learning he had terminal cancer. My mom and my sisters and I were all with him. Lou, Anjelica and I were heading to Schenectady anyway, because there was a fraternity event at Union College. I had visited the prior weekend. My dad was weak, and eating had become - [DECEMBER 1994](https://www.jofonda.com/december-1994/) - I got a pearl necklace for Christmas. It was an investment and a guilt gift more than anything else. Not that he said he was sorry. But he should be. Aunt Mamie died a couple of weeks ago, so we flew into Albany, NY for her funeral. I was grateful to be invited to stay - [NOVEMBER 1994](https://www.jofonda.com/november-1994/) - At work, I call myself Murphy Brown because just like on that show, we can’t hold on to a decent nanny/office assistant. Within less than a couple weeks at most, Lou would fire them, or they would quit or simply become a no-show and not return calls. It would be easier if I could just - [MAY 1993](https://www.jofonda.com/may-1993/) - I think I’m destined to be a single mom. In my mind, we have everything. We each have master’s degrees, great careers, financial security, a wonderful home, our book is going to be published, and best of all, we have a healthy, much wanted baby on the way. And yet, he’s been especially quiet, distant, - [SEPTEMBER 1992](https://www.jofonda.com/september-1992/) - Dorothy had it right, “There’s no place like home.” We just got back from a trip to Long Island, which like the journey through Oz, was an unbelievable, sometimes heartfelt, but mostly horrifying series of events and challenges. We were already asleep when we got a call from a nurse at the VA hospital; Lou’s - [September 1989](https://www.jofonda.com/september-1989/) - Life changed gears quickly. I was in my office when Wharton Admissions called to ask if I still wanted to attend. I wonder if I wasn’t at my desk to answer the phone at that moment, they would have moved along to the next person on the waiting list. School started in three weeks, so - [August 1988](https://www.jofonda.com/august-1988/) - Things looked so bright at the beginning of the year. Then I didn’t get into Wharton and Lou got fired. I think Lou tried to change too many things too quickly and upset too many of the wrong people. I don’t know if they purposefully avoided doing it in person, or didn’t want to wait - [April 1986](https://www.jofonda.com/april-1986/) - I got a job as a computer programmer at Playtex in Dover, Delaware. Lou’s in a new job too, working at Coopers and Lybrand out of Philadelphia. Playtex paid for our relocation expenses from New Jersey, which included temporary living for me in a hotel as well as movers and such. We had been having - [July 1985](https://www.jofonda.com/july-1985/) - Man are we ever lucky. I was driving the VW back from a visit to upstate NY in heavy traffic on the Thruway on Monday of the Fourth of July holiday weekend when I heard a funny noise. I asked Lou if he heard something and rolled down my window so we could listen. All - [October 1984](https://www.jofonda.com/october-1984/) - We went back hiking on the Appalachian Trail in Maine a few more times. Unfortunately, we didn’t get all the equipment we needed, and still had way too much weight to carry. On one trip, I fell on the third day, and twisted my knee. It swelled up and stiffened. We took an afternoon off - [January 1983](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1983/) - We stayed here in North Carolina this Christmas. The tags are expired on the MGB, and it isn’t the most reliable vehicle, so we didn’t want to risk driving all the way up to New York. We still don’t have the title to this car, so we can’t register or insure it. Turns out my - [October 1981](https://www.jofonda.com/october-1981/) - The InstitutionThey bind you and blind you and lock you up insideAnd say it is for your own good and safetyYou are fed and sheltered and have all you needBut you just can’t leaveHow long is your sentence?The Institution of Marriage I just had to get that written down to get it out of my - [July 1981 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/july-1981-part-two/) - Lou’s gotten some handyman jobs, like fixing up rental properties for one of the professors, which is good because his customers pay cash, which we need. I like my job and co-workers; I think their southern drawl is starting to rub off on me, I seem to speak a bit more slowly, and “y’all” often - [April 1980](https://www.jofonda.com/april-1980/) - When it rains, it pours. First, Pop went in the hospital for gall bladder surgery. When he was opened up, they found that his gut was full of cancer that had spread everywhere. So, they just closed him back up because there is nothing that can be done at his age. My grandmother doesn’t want - [June 1979](https://www.jofonda.com/june-1979/) - Gino came back to visit me, just as promised. It was a perfect day; this time, we were alone. He wanted to do it in the car, in the front seat driver’s side. It was quick, but not easy, and my back is bruised from the steering wheel. We didn’t argue about anything and just - [May 1979 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/may-1979-part-two/) - Lou asked me to go with him to the Blue Angels Air Show at the Schenectady County Airport. Sounded like fun; no pressure for anything more than a casual outing. Or so I thought, until he handed me a single red rose after I got into his car. I simply said, “thank you,” and put - [April 1979](https://www.jofonda.com/april-1979/) - It is good to be back home. As always, the first sight to welcome me back home is the sign for Jumpin' Jack's Drive In Charcoal Pit and Twin Freez across from Collins Park, right under the end of the Western Gateway Bridge connecting Schenectady to Scotia across the Mohawk River. I talked to my - [March 1979 - Part Three](https://www.jofonda.com/march-1979-part-three/) - I cleaned up the mess left in my cabin after the tirade. I had thrown the torn photos away, but then pulled the pieces out of the trash and taped them back together. It is hard for me to stare at those fist-sized holes in my wall and door and then look Gino in the - [February 1979](https://www.jofonda.com/february-1979/) - Gino and I have been seeing each other secretly. We hung out a lot and I was happy just being friends. I had no intention of getting into a relationship, but he was persistent about getting closer. He says that he loves me; he’s the first guy I’ve ever said that back to. Quite honestly, - [January 1979](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1979/) - I stuffed my joints into the bottom of tampon tubes, for the flight back to New Orleans to meet the Kazakhstan for our second Christmas here. I saved a lot from waitressing in St. Thomas and bought my parents a boom box with a radio, cassette player and a little tv. They were surprised by - [September 1978](https://www.jofonda.com/september-1978/) - Summer went by fast, and I stayed busy. I got my lifeguard certification and spent most of my time with the Red Cross, where I’ve been volunteering for quite a few years, working in the office and at blood drives; they had me dress as a clown for one of the blood drives. Seems fitting - [June 1978](https://www.jofonda.com/june-1978/) - It’s good to be home, but in some ways I’m more out of place here than I am when we are away. I’m used to having so much more freedom. My best friend, Kathy and I hang out during the day and when she doesn’t have a date. More often than not, I help her - [January 1978 – Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1978-part-two/) - I just finished another show, packed and stored all the magic props away and am free for the rest of the night. We have a lot of different routines that we cycle through on each cruise. The newest act my dad put together is Mexican magic night, so we can fit in nicely on a - [January 1978](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1978/) - My parents are asleep and have no idea I’ve been out so late or where I’ve been. Thank God I have my own cabin on this cruise ship, otherwise, my father would be so pissed. I just have to tell someone about the night, but there’s nobody I know well enough here to talk to, - [May 1978](https://www.jofonda.com/may-1978/) - It’s Pirate Night, Arggh! I really do enjoy this silly fun night each cruise when we dress up like pirates, draw fake tattoos on each other, try to fit in as many ‘r’ words into a sentence as possible, and hear or tell stupid jokes like, “what kind of socks do pirates wear?” “Arrrggile.” “How - [Prologue-This is how the story ends](https://www.jofonda.com/prologue-this-is-how-the-story-ends/) - August 2001 The date was August 21, 2001, our daughter Anjelica’s 8th birthday. It was a beautiful, sunny day, perfect for the trip to the dentist from Nashua, NH to Wilmington, DE in our favorite family vehicle: a Trinidad TB-20, a five-passenger single propeller airplane that was reminiscent of a DeLorean sports car with its - [November 1978](https://www.jofonda.com/november-1978/) - The cockroaches seem to have moved on to a better place, except of course, in my dreams. I wake up in the middle of the night brushing what feels like dozens of bugs off my face and arms and jumping up to stand on the mattress and strip the bed of all the blankets and - [Epilogue - 2021 - the story never really ends](https://www.jofonda.com/epilogue-2021-the-story-never-really-ends/) - I’ve put in another twenty years since closing the book on that part of my life. The experience of my marriage with Lou has made me both stronger and weaker at times, however it did not leave me angry or with any regret. I’ve grown from countless lessons and am blessed to share my life - [Poems by J Published in Stony Brook Statesman](https://www.jofonda.com/poems-by-j-published-in-stony-brook-statesman/) - Diet Tips (published November 7, 1984) When I decide to dietI choose a day on which to startAnd on the eve of that dayI indulge myself in what I can’t have anymoreI like to get a sundaeWith the richest chocolate ice creamSmothered with hot fudge and whipped creamAnd of course, topped with nuts and a - [JULY 1997](https://www.jofonda.com/july-1997/) - I always feel that I need to do something to improve myself around my birthday. I get serious about diet and exercise. Better at this or that. Then it wears off. My birthday is like New Year’s Day for most people. And my resolutions last about as long. I’ve been trying to improve my love - [August 2000 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/august-2000-part-two/) - I thought I was in trouble at work. My boss wanted to immediately meet with me privately. He was very serious, and I felt like a dead man walking on my way to be terminated. It was quite the opposite. He gave me a huge project, to be a part of a small, super-secret team - [MAY 1998 - PART TWO](https://www.jofonda.com/may-1998-part-two/) - The weather was beautiful for my dad’s wake and funeral. I feel drained of everything inside. I am mad at so many people, even though I’m not an angry person by nature. I’m really not. Lou actually told me to ask my mother to change the dates of the wake and funeral to accommodate his - [July 2001 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/july-2001-part-two/) - We went to another marriage counselor, but the session was not productive, as he just listened, but Lou appreciates that it is a man, rather than a woman he assumes will just take my side. After our session, Lou complained that it didn’t seem like I was trying to work things out to save our - [June 2001 - Part Three](https://www.jofonda.com/june-2001-part-three/) - I didn’t make it to work today. I tried going but had too much anxiety about what was to come next. Lou called the house and asked why I wasn’t at work. I told him that I knew where he had gone, what he did and with whom, and that I wanted a divorce. I - [June 2001 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/june-2001-part-two/) - Lou told me he was working at the client’s last night and today. I knew he was planning a little outing with his girlfriend. I had seen with my PC spying software that they were planning some sort of get together vacation, but there weren’t any details. But I also noticed that he went to - [December 2000 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/december-2000-part-two/) - It’s good when we agree on things. Lou said our relationship was like Bill and Hillary Clinton’s. We have a partnership, like a business. We do not have a marriage. It hurt to hear him say it, but I completely agree. There was no fight. We sat and talked; I said I wanted to change, - [FEBRUARY 1998 - PART TWO](https://www.jofonda.com/february-1998-part-two/) - I called my mom from work to see how the doctor’s appointment went. I wasn’t prepared to hear that my dad has cancer again. But this time it’s in his liver and there isn’t anything they can do about it. I looked up information online and based on what I was told about his condition, - [August 24 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/august-24-2001/) - When I called out again today, I offered some explanation about the situation. I don’t know how or when I can go back in my office, but I can’t worry about that now. Lou resumed the barrage of calls first thing in the morning and was unrelenting throughout the entire day and night. He did - [August 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/august-2001/) - When the security guard called me down to the office lobby, I thought for sure Lou had shown up and would cause a scene, since I had missed one of his many calls and pages. Instead, I found a huge bouquet with a birthday balloon, which only served to piss me off. I popped the - [July 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/july-2001/) - Lou insisted that we go to counseling and scheduled an “emergency” session with a therapist. That didn’t go well. In the session, she asked about why we were in this position. I told her how I felt and about the stress and the affairs and his temper. He said it was all just stress from - [May 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/may-2001/) - Looks like Lou and Tanya are finally done. Based on the e-mails I’ve read between them, he’s made several attempts to maintain the relationship, and outright proclaimed his love for her. But she thought it over and decided to stop seeing Lou. I’m sure he is very sad, but I gave him the opportunity to - [April 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/april-2001/) - The house is finally done enough to move in. It’s not done done, but enough to get a certificate of occupancy. It is a beautiful place. We moved in right after Easter on April 16th. Oddly enough, it is the exact same date we moved into our house in Delaware 15 years ago. I’ve gotten - [January 2001](https://www.jofonda.com/january-2001/) - The house is coming along nicely. We were supposed to be in for Christmas, but they are just hanging wallboard now. The landlord agreed to extend our rental terms for a normal rate. That was lucky, because she and Lou do not get along. In fact, she said that if she had met him instead - [December 2000](https://www.jofonda.com/december-2000/) - I try hard to make it good for everyone. I really do. It just isn’t enough. I get Anjelica ready for school in the morning and see her off to her bus. I work all day, not just one job, but two, because I have my normal responsibilities plus until recently, I worked by myself - [October 2000](https://www.jofonda.com/october-2000/) - I feel like such an adult now. We actually have an official will. The last one was written up quickly and witnessed by some strangers at an airport bar while we were getting ready to fly for the first time without Anjelica. This one was actually crafted and notarized by lawyers. In general, we agreed - [September 2000](https://www.jofonda.com/september-2000/) - Anjelica has settled easily into second grade, considering that she skipped first grade completely and is new to the school. She and our neighbor’s daughter, Maria, like to play after school and on the weekends. I chat with her parents while we wait for the morning school bus. Weight training and pestering the builder and - [July 2000](https://www.jofonda.com/july-2000/) - I won’t be seeing my special, “I can screw around too” friend anymore. We hooked up a few times, but mostly became good phone friends. We take turns listening and bitching about what’s hard in our lives. Last time we spoke, I gave advice on working things out with his wife and being more patient. - [OCTOBER 1992](https://www.jofonda.com/october-1992/) - We didn’t intend to get a dog, yet we now have a Husky. Our neighbor found a stray and convinced us to take it in. We left a notice at the animal shelter, but so far, nobody has claimed him. We figured that it would be good practice for us to prepare for a child - [JUNE 1995](https://www.jofonda.com/june-1995/) - I finally had my lawsuit go to trial for my neck injury at Harrah’s casino in Atlantic City. It would have been a long drive to and from Atlantic City each day, but Lou was renting airplanes to go to his client site anyway, so he flew me in and dropped me off and picked - [AUGUST 1995](https://www.jofonda.com/august-1995/) - I am feeling quite lucky, confident a guardian angel is watching over. You know when you see something in the news about an accident, and it is so clear that those involved were doing something destined for a bad outcome, and ponder, “What were they thinking?” This was one of those times. Lou and I - [MARCH 1996](https://www.jofonda.com/march-1996/) - Anjelica is doing great at the Montessori School, but kept getting earaches and colds. After many rounds of antibiotics that didn’t do anything, the doctor gave her a special vaccine to ward off infection, and sent us to a specialist, who suggested having her adenoids removed. What a heartbreaker that was to let go of - [JUNE 1996](https://www.jofonda.com/june-1996/) - I finally got promoted to finance manager at HP. I love working there, but it has been really frustrating being stuck with a title of “Analyst” for years, while watching the Wharton Alumni Magazine publish my graduating class news and seeing everyone I went to school with getting awesome job after awesome job. I realize - [MARCH 1997](https://www.jofonda.com/march-1997/) - We were driving home in the Mercedes at night on the Blue Route in the pouring rain. Lou was driving in the middle lane, doing a little faster than the speed limit. A car came up behind us and was flashing its headlights. Lou said, “I don’t know where he thinks I can go,” because - [FEBRUARY 1998](https://www.jofonda.com/february-1998/) - We just returned from Gram’s funeral in New York. I feel bad that I didn’t visit her in the nursing home before she passed. Last time we spoke, I said I was coming to visit, but I never actually did. My mom had explained to me that her mother had been on a recent steep - [OCTOBER 1993](https://www.jofonda.com/october-1993/) - I got a clean bill of health from the doctor and was back at work in six weeks. It was hard to leave Anjelica, but Astrid is great, and we got to know each other while I was on medical leave. Astrid primarily did Lou’s office tasks, but I tried to give her a lot - [AUGUST 1993](https://www.jofonda.com/august-1993/) - I’m huge, but I really have done well in keeping my weight on track. I’m almost to the 25 pounds minimum I was told to gain. We think it’s a girl based on the ultrasound; I wanted to know the baby’s gender because I prefer to plan. We’re going neutral with the colors and decorations - [MARCH 1993](https://www.jofonda.com/march-1993/) - Vacation was a bit of a bust, and it was more than a little scary flying home the day after the World Trade Center was bombed. Nassau was chilly and rainy, so we spent most of our time in the casino instead of on the beach. The cigarette smoke made me queasy, but I kept - [JANUARY 1993](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1993/) - I am so excited; we are finally pregnant. The baby is due on August 18th, so he or she will be a Leo, like me. I’ve already read a collection of pregnancy books. I know I’m a nerd, but I like to understand what’s going on. I’m hoping that we can find out the gender, - [APRIL 1998](https://www.jofonda.com/april-1998/) - I talk to my dad a lot. I can’t make him well and I can’t ease his physical pain, but I asked myself what I could do. All he really ever wanted was for people to listen. So, now we talk on the phone, and chat on AOL. He’s talking about a lot of things - [NOVEMBER 1998](https://www.jofonda.com/november-1998/) - The Wilmington Journal newspaper ran a story on the front page about the charges of racism against Lou and his conflict with our neighbors. Lou was thrilled about the article that described the dispute. I was mortified to have to defend his position in my office. We’ve been at odds with these neighbors since they - [AUGUST 1999](https://www.jofonda.com/august-1999/) - I look better, and frankly, it’s easier to be on a diet and exercise schedule right along with Lou’s strict plan. Food is no longer an issue between us; I indulge in my allowed free days when he’s away. We were going to Gold’s Gym together most nights until he joined a second gym near - [SEPTEMBER 1999](https://www.jofonda.com/september-1999/) - Recently, Lou had been acting weird, and asking, yet again, about the legality of recording telephone conversations, and an abundance of questions regarding sexual harassment laws. I shared what I know from grad school and work, and then sprinkled in a few disturbing tidbits just to mess with him, because I knew damn well why - [OCTOBER 1999](https://www.jofonda.com/october-1999/) - I am so excited and optimistic these days. I had job offers in both Colorado and Massachusetts. The job in Andover, MA is a better fit for me, and I think it’s more realistic to relocate there than Colorado. It was a challenge for me to arrange to travel for interviews with Lou’s schedule, so - [NOVEMBER 1999](https://www.jofonda.com/november-1999/) - We have a realtor and have started house hunting in various towns in the Andover area. There are a lot of options that are easy for Lou to get to the airport, and for me to get to work and bring Anjelica to a nearby Montessori school. Several houses were fine with me, but Lou - [DECEMBER 1999](https://www.jofonda.com/december-1999/) - We’ve been house hunting several times, but every single house we look at has some issue that makes it unacceptable to Lou. He actually rejected a brand-new house because there was a dead tree by the street in front of the house. His logic was that if the seller would be willing to leave something - [JANUARY 2000](https://www.jofonda.com/january-2000/) - We actually stayed up past midnight this New Year’s Eve, half expecting some major problems with the Y2K issue. We started watching television early when Australia’s clocks changed over. Except for the fireworks, it was all quite anti-climactic relative to the hyped-up expectations of catastrophic system malfunctions. I didn’t know finding a new home was - [FEBRUARY 2000](https://www.jofonda.com/february-2000/) - Lou’s done with his travel to the west coast. On his last trip back, I met him for a weekend in Las Vegas, since I had to fly out for a meeting in Palo Alto anyway. My mom took care of Anjelica at our house for a couple days. We stayed at the Venetian, and - [MARCH 2000](https://www.jofonda.com/march-2000/) - False hope on buying that house. We were all set to go with the offer. And then, there was a thought: “Why not build that perfect house on a perfect lot?” It was a custom home, so we found the builder, and started looking at the few available lots in Amherst. We found an 11-acre - [JUNE 2000](https://www.jofonda.com/june-2000/) - Finally, we own property in New Hampshire. We listed our Delaware house for top dollar and had three offers above asking price within hours. The new house plan has been customized to our exact liking and all the permits and contracts are in place. It will be absolutely beautiful. I wish I could say there - [AUGUST 1992](https://www.jofonda.com/august-1992/) - We’re officially trying to get pregnant. The decision was made while we were sitting out in the backyard, getting some sun, talking about my upcoming birthday. I can’t believe thirty is already here. I still see myself as young, perhaps because Lou is five years older. We have always talked about wanting children but have - [February 1992](https://www.jofonda.com/february-1992/) - Lou was invited to present at a couple manufacturing conferences in Mexico, all expenses paid for two. On the flight down, Lou basically avoided all eye contact or discussion as if I were an annoying stranger randomly wedged next to him in the middle seat. I asked what was wrong, and he answered, “Nothing, why?” - [July 1991](https://www.jofonda.com/july-1991/) - I’m finally landed in my dream job at Hewlett Packard in Avondale, PA. After my interview, I tossed a coin in the fountain at the mall, and promised I would stop smoking if I got hired at HP. It felt like pact with God, so as soon as I started working, I stopped smoking. Through - [February 1991](https://www.jofonda.com/february-1991/) - I had an opportunity to work as a consultant at one of the big firms in New York City, but I think one consultant in the family is enough, so my acceptance decision deadline came and went on January 15th along with Saddam Hussein’s deadline to get out of Kuwait. I was home alone when - [September 1990](https://www.jofonda.com/september-1990/) - I spent the summer at the Franklin Mint’s Finance internship program. I created complex spreadsheets and quantitative data analysis and designed international multi-company multi-currency budgeting and reporting processes. I have more flexibility with my schedule at school this year, so I’ve piled my courses into fewer days and will continue to work at least two - [January 1990](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1990/) - I’m doing very well in my classes at Wharton, but I’m one of the few commuters, and one of a handful of married students, so I am not at all involved in the social life on or off campus. I can’t say I’ve made any real friends here yet, and I’m beginning to doubt I - [July 1989](https://www.jofonda.com/july-1989/) - We went to Atlantic City for our 8th wedding anniversary last month and stayed at Harrah’s. We got a nice room, played blackjack, had dinner, and went to a show. As we were escorted up the stairs to our seats in the theater, I held onto a handrail, and was literally stunned when my head - [January 1989](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1989/) - I’m reapplying to Wharton and am hopeful to get in with another year’s management experience under my belt and a couple more recommendations from higher-level executives. Our finances are more stable, now that Lou has his own consulting business. He got a call from a prior client asking if he would work for them full - [March 1988](https://www.jofonda.com/march-1988/) - I decided that I want to go to graduate school for my MBA. I did well on the GMAT and applied to Wharton at University of Pennsylvania. I haven’t applied anywhere else. I think this is the best school, and it’s local, so it is among the very few options available for me. I’m a - [August 1987](https://www.jofonda.com/august-1987/) - I don’t know what he expects me to say or think or do. Lou came home in a panic asking if it’s legal for someone to tape phone calls and use it against you, and if there was a way to tell when a conversation is being recorded. I said that I had no idea - [January 1987](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1987/) - We bought our first new car, and it’s a Mercedes, a “Baby Benz” 190E. We spent New Year’s Eve picking up the car and then sitting in it in the garage. Lou was appalled that the car didn’t come with floor mats but managed to get them included at the end. It was embarrassing to - [January 1986](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1986/) - Job hunting continues for us both. One day, I woke up to a phone call from a woman from personnel at a local company, who said they received my resume, and asked if I was still in the market. She said Mr. Johnson would call me later that day for a telephone interview. I waited - [April 1985](https://www.jofonda.com/april-1985/) - For months now, everything has just felt upside down. My head just keeps going around and around on a million things and nothing at the same time. I know it was wrong, and I don’t know why I did it. Why I do it. I hate to admit it even to myself, but it wasn’t - [June 1984](https://www.jofonda.com/june-1984/) - Man, am I bruised and worn, but at least my legs are tight. Guess I won’t need to do the exercises in Thin Thighs in Thirty Days for a while. It started as a conversation I had about camping one night while we were hanging out with some of Lou’s old high school friends. I - [January 1984](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1984/) - Louie and I went to Atlantic City with Nico and Mia for New Year’s Eve. They have use of his family’s condo on the boardwalk and invited us to stay for a few nights. I learned how to play Blackjack before we went so I’d know what I was doing. It’s fun watching the high - [November 1983](https://www.jofonda.com/november-1983/) - I have found my occupational calling. Turns out I’m really good at computer programming. To get accepted into the Computer Science degree program at SUNY, you have to take a bunch of technical and math prerequisite classes and maintain a high GPA. The only hurdle for me was getting through calculus last summer. The five-week - [August 1983](https://www.jofonda.com/august-1983/) - I am really sunburned, literally from head to toe. Last weekend, I had been sick and stayed home, but Lou still took the bus to the beach on his own. When he got back home, he told me he noticed that lots of people kept walking down the shore to the right and out of - [March 1983](https://www.jofonda.com/march-1983/) - I have found time to audit an accounting course at night at UNC in Chapel Hill. The wife of a guy in Lou’s class was taking the course and suggested I join her. The professor is nice and lets me sit in the class and take the tests even though I’m not actually a student. - [July 1983](https://www.jofonda.com/july-1983/) - We are settled in Port Jefferson, a quaint north shore port town on the Sound, at the end of the line of the Long Island Railroad, about two hours from Manhattan. Our apartment is just a block from the train station, which is good because we are without a car again. There’s also a bus - [October 1982](https://www.jofonda.com/october-1982/) - I’m finally in the sales office at the Ramada; I didn’t think that was ever going to happen. The sales secretary job finally came available again for the second time. When I first applied about a year ago, I thought I had the promotion, and was waiting to hear when I could transfer. Then early - [July 1982](https://www.jofonda.com/july-1982/) - Lou started going to a karate school near my hotel, since he doesn’t have Duke’s karate club over the summer. We made a deal that I could commute with the MGB instead of my bicycle if I started taking karate classes as well; that’s his way of encouraging me to exercise. He has a summer - [January 1982](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1982/) - We went to New York over the holiday break. We drove up with someone from Lou’s class who was going home for vacation, and while we were there, we bought my sister’s MGB, although she agreed to payment terms over time, since she doesn’t have the title in hand now to sell it elsewhere. I - [July 1981](https://www.jofonda.com/july-1981/) - I got a job at the Ramada Inn as a desk clerk; the system equipment and processes are exactly the same as at the Schenectady Ramada. I’m hoping to be promoted to a position in the sales office sometime soon. While I may be a great desk clerk, I don’t want to do it forever. - [June 1981 - Part Three](https://www.jofonda.com/june-1981-part-three/) - We returned from our two-night honeymoon on Sunday morning for my graduation. We stayed in Lou’s dorm at the fraternity house for the week until Union's graduation because we couldn’t afford any more nights in a hotel, and my parents outright said they were not ready for us to sleep together in their house. Immediately after Lou’s - [June 1981 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/june-1981-part-two/) - The sun was shining at 9am on June 12th, and many people came to our very odd Friday morning marriage ceremony in Jackson’s Gardens on Union College campus. The wooded garden backdrop looked beautiful in the photos; I wish I could say the same for us in the foreground. The bright sun had us all - [June 1981](https://www.jofonda.com/june-1981/) - Bruce wanted to treat me to a special night since I’m getting married and moving away soon. I’m closer to him than even Kathy now, since we spend so much time together at the hotel. He picked me up in his car, and we parked, got wasted, listened to music, laughed and talked. We had - [May 1981 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/may-1981-part-two/) - My parents asked Lou and me to have dinner at home one night. Mom’s no chef by any means, so the point was not to impress us with her culinary skills. Instead, they decided to let the proverbial cat out of the bag. In this case, the cat was a well-kept family secret they felt - [May 1981](https://www.jofonda.com/may-1981/) - We’ve been planning our wedding, and all that’s going fine. I have a dress and veil I got from a rack of older models for under $100, and we found leftover matching gold bands at a jewelry store for even less; can’t do much better than that. We’re having the ceremony at Union College in - [March 1981](https://www.jofonda.com/march-1981/) - We finally told my parents that we plan to get married in June. We took them to dinner at their favorite restaurant, The Van Dyke, where I used to work. It went as well as could be expected. My parents started with the appropriate congratulations and didn't even point out that they would be losing their - [January 1981](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1981/) - We spent most of the Christmas break working on Lou’s MBA grad school applications. I helped by editing and typing the essays; my mom also proofread. Since his grades are poor, the applications focus on his ability to persevere, overcome adversity, be creative, entrepreneurial, and just do whatever it takes to achieve goals in life. - [December 1980 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/december-1980-part-two/) - I was studying on the bed in Lou’s single dorm room one evening and noticed strobe lights flashing through the window coming from the parking lot below. The campus security guard and a town police cruiser had blocked in Lou’s Grand Prix. The security guard, whom Lou calls “Beuford T. Justice”, from Smokey and the - [December 1980](https://www.jofonda.com/december-1980/) - Car repossessions are the only money Lou has coming in now. Most of the handyman work was in the summer, but he still has a classified ad in the paper and gets random calls for odd jobs. Some of the jobs really seem quite odd; the details don’t make a lot of sense and leave - [November 1980](https://www.jofonda.com/november-1980/) - It’s unsettling to have no clue to what lies ahead. I had plans all laid out to go to a four-year college like Cornell with a culinary arts and hotel management program next, but it’s hard to say now what I can do. We decided to get married after we both graduate in June; Lou’s - [October 1980](https://www.jofonda.com/october-1980/) - As an officer of the Hotel Tech Club, I’ve met a lot of people and made new friends this year at school. A group of us decided to hang out in the bar at the Ramada where I work. I’m always with Lou’s fraternity brothers and their girlfriends, but he is never with my friends, - [September 1980](https://www.jofonda.com/september-1980/) - Pop died. It was expected, but still difficult for everyone. He had been so ill for such a long time, and there really wasn’t anything we could do except visit him in the hospital, and talk about everything except the obvious, as we watched him become thinner and thinner and weaker and weaker with each - [August 1980 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/august-1980-part-two/) - As the ship pulled into Port Authority, I saw Lou waiting on the dock, grinning and waving when he spotted me at the rail. He was cheerful, talkative, and asked Linda and me a lot of questions about the cruise the entire drive back to Scotia. I think it is the happiest I have ever - [August 1980](https://www.jofonda.com/august-1980/) - I lost what must have been hours standing at my usual perch, looking over the rail on the back of the ship, watching the wake. I was transfixed by the hypnotic swirling of the trail of white-blue water churned up by the giant propellers. The ocean reveals its own rainbow of blues, turning dark as night as - [July 1980](https://www.jofonda.com/july-1980/) - Lou is renting an old second floor apartment in a duplex with one of his fraternity brothers from Thailand who is from a very well-off family and did not want to go home this summer. His roommate spends a lot of time in the gym, and God only knows where else he goes, but he - [June 1980](https://www.jofonda.com/june-1980/) - A dozen beautiful red roses were delivered to my house, and I was shocked to learn they were from one of my good friends at school. I had no clue that he liked me that way. I thanked him for the flowers and explained that I had a steady boyfriend who went to a different college. - [February 1980](https://www.jofonda.com/february-1980/) - My friend, Linda, asked me to go on a cruise with her this summer. I’ve always wanted to go as a passenger instead of as staff; I'm working full time and have enough to make it happen. She picked out a trip in August, which works out great right after my 18th birthday. When I - [January 1980](https://www.jofonda.com/january-1980/) - Lou called on Christmas and asked me to go out with him for New Year’s Eve. It was his 22nd birthday on Christmas Day, and again, he was alone. I felt bad for him being by himself for both the holiday and his birthday. I hesitated, but he agreed that we’d go just as friends. - [December 1979](https://www.jofonda.com/december-1979/) - Kathy showed up at my house a couple weeks ago to talk about Lou. Over Thanksgiving weekend, she and her boyfriend were arguing while driving through Schenectady. She was mad, got out of the car near Union College, and decided to escape into Lou’s fraternity house. She says her boyfriend started to go after her, - [November 1979](https://www.jofonda.com/november-1979/) - I am so freaking upset I can’t think straight. I walked home all the way from Union; with every step I took, I was cursing and screaming louder and louder in my head. Lou and I were having sex, and it started like any other time we’ve been together the past few weeks. But this - [October 1979](https://www.jofonda.com/october-1979/) - Lou and I went for a walk on campus and through Jackson Gardens. Everything was nice and peaceful. He stopped and kissed me just outside the gate to the gardens. The kiss was so gentle and soft, although having our first kiss after just hanging out for so many weeks was a little awkward. We - [September 1979](https://www.jofonda.com/september-1979/) - Lou is back at Union. He explained that he had called me over the summer about finding a place to live because his parents kicked him out of their house. He took them to family court, and the judge ordered that they let him live there for the rest of the summer until he went - [August 1979](https://www.jofonda.com/august-1979/) - For reasons I don’t understand, my mom always encourages me to enter pageants; I go along with it for her sake more than my own. This time, I made her proud when I won the title of Miss Schenectady County Teenager. Frankly, I wish I had not won; I’m sure there are much better representatives - [May 1979 - Part Three](https://www.jofonda.com/may-1979-part-three/) - It started as a perfect day. Gino called my house and I got to the phone first, knowing he and his roommate drove down together. Kathy and I met up with them at the park. We listened to a tape from the band he’s playing with now; we talked, we kissed, and it felt great - [March 1979 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/march-1979-part-two/) - Just when it seemed I had hit rock bottom, I stumbled through another crevice down to new depths with Gino. I was peacefully reading when he came to my cabin, knocking loudly on the door and staggering in right past my ineffective attempt to nonchalantly fill the doorway. I told him he couldn’t stay, and - [May 1979](https://www.jofonda.com/may-1979/) - I took the GED exam and scored quite well. I start classes at SCCC soon. Financial aid should cover most costs; my parents say they will help out if they can as long as I continue to live at home. I’ll be taking the bus and riding my bike though, because they do not want - [February 1979 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/february-1979-part-two/) - I’ve been traveling on ships with my parents since I was nine, so there are few ports of call that I still find to be new and exciting after seven years of cruising. Sometimes, I don’t even bother disembarking, and enjoy being on a virtually empty ship for the day. Cuba is an exception, and both my - [October 1978 - Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/october-1978-part-two/) - After 24 hours of my “stomach bug”, I was in the ship’s hospital with a high fever, severe cramps, and dehydration from having thrown up every ounce of fluid in my body. The Russian doctor’s diagnosis was appendicitis, and he said I needed immediate surgery on the ship while we were on the Transatlantic crossing - [May 1978 Part Two](https://www.jofonda.com/may-1978-part-two/) - It’s been a sad end to the season; our cruise director died after a car crash in Cozumel. I was lying in my bunk reading when my mom came into my cabin to tell me; I had known about the accident but assumed he would recover. I was stunned, but after she left, I went - [February 1978](https://www.jofonda.com/february-1978/) - Last night, after our Chinese magic act, I hung out in the Troika lounge, which was pretty dead; Thomas and I were the only ones from the staff left in the bar after the rest of them had called it a night. He asked if I wanted to go listen to some new music in ## Pages - [Home](https://www.jofonda.com/) - 20 Years to LifeA Memoir - by Jo Fonda Intimate details of the wake of my life from teenage cruise ship magician to escaping a two-decade abusive marriage ending in death, destruction, and rebirth About Jo Who I AmI am that person you see every day at work and in the neighborhood who seems to - [Contact](https://www.jofonda.com/about/) - Contact Jo e-mail: JoAFonda@gmail.com Facebook Twitter - [Reviews](https://www.jofonda.com/reviews/) - Jo FONDA Reviews & Media Featured in Lou Imbriano - Amazon Review September 6, 2013 “Jo shares her journey of courage and how she breaks free from an abusive relationship to save both her and her daughter’s lives. This true story reads like fiction and you can not imagine what the author is put through - [Table of Contents - Journal Page Links](https://www.jofonda.com/table-of-contents/) - Twenty Years to Life Journal Pages by Date (Links are activated for journal dates currently available to read on this blog) What follows is a diary of my memories…the names may not be accurate;the stories are just as I recall them PROLOGUE: THIS IS HOW THE STORY ENDS AUGUST 2001 JOURNAL PAGES: SECTION ONE - ## Categories - [20 Years to Life](https://www.jofonda.com/category/20-years-to-life/) - [Section One - At Sea](https://www.jofonda.com/category/20-years-to-life/section-one-at-sea/) - [Section Two - Scotia New York](https://www.jofonda.com/category/20-years-to-life/section-two-scotia-new-york/) - [Section Three - Durham North Carolina](https://www.jofonda.com/category/20-years-to-life/section-three-durham-north-carolina/) - [JO FONDA BLOG](https://www.jofonda.com/category/jo-fonda-blog/) - [Section Four - Long Island, New York](https://www.jofonda.com/category/20-years-to-life/section-four-long-island-new-york/) - [Poems Published in Stoney Brook Statesman - by J](https://www.jofonda.com/category/20-years-to-life/section-four-long-island-new-york/poems-published-in-stoney-brook-statesman-by-j/) - [Section Five New Jersey / Philadelphia](https://www.jofonda.com/category/20-years-to-life/section-five-new-jersey-philadelphia/) - [Section Six Delaware](https://www.jofonda.com/category/20-years-to-life/section-six-delaware/) - [Section Seven - New Hampshire](https://www.jofonda.com/category/20-years-to-life/section-eight-new-hampshire/)